DON'T BE SHY

Shyness, some say is caused by ones genetic make-up. But I believe learned behavior is much more powerful. A lot of cases arise of healthy, vibrant and outgoing children having their original personalities destroyed by abusive parents or other traumatic events they experience in their childhood. Therefore, believe it or not, the opposite is also true. Reserved, quiet and timid people can become sociable through events experienced as well. It just takes the right tools.

The truth remains, virtually any part of our personality can change. Think about your experiences for a second. Have you ever believed strongly in something until someone comes along and completely proves you wrong? That leads to instant change. A car accident, harassment or rape can change ones personality- not a gradual change but an immediate and powerful change. The human mind is very flexible, but humans also have the tendency to do things in patterns in order not to take advantage of the capacity for change. Therefore ones belief in ones “true self” or “personality” is a bit perilous because it is so limiting. We look at the negative aspects of ourselves and say, “That’s just the way I am. I’m being real by behaving this way”. We deny ourselves growth and improvement.

Shyness mostly is caused by fear. Especially when we are experiencing something we are not used to.

All fear is, is a warning signal that you’re about to experience something that you’ve anchored to pain. So all one needs to do is to overcome fear is to break that anchor – change the feelings you’ve associated with that situation. This is called “dissociation”.

These are some techniques used to relieve fear.

·        Relax

·        Attach yourself to something that gives you powerful feelings of confidence, power, safety etc.

·        Take some time to imagine yourself in control of the situation.

·        Then try to create a feeling of transformation to someone who is actually in control of the situation.

·        Take that feeling very seriously.

I think this mental rehearsal is very effective and some may overlook it. We often fantasize about what it’ll be like if we could be in complete control of situations that make us shy. And the reality of it may make us feel bad and we begin to see the worst case scenario. But using these steps, we may begin to see ourselves socializing successfully, and dealing with rejection and embarrassment effectively.