HOW TO OVERCOME LOW SELF ESTEEM.

If you are reading this because you suspect you are a victim of low self-esteem, read on, you are not alone. Low self-esteem is a global menace. It is like a vampire that threatens to drain people of their will to live. It is deadly and has destroyed many lives. Don’t let it destroy yours. The word ‘esteem’ comes from a Latin word that means ‘to estimate’. So, self-esteem is how you estimate, or regard, yourself. How do you estimate, or regard yourself? Simply put, low self-esteem is having a generally negative overall opinion of oneself, judging or evaluating oneself negatively, and placing a general negative value on oneself as a person. In essence, people with low self-esteem usually have deep-seated, basic, negative beliefs about themselves and the kind of person they are. These beliefs are often taken as facts or truths about their identity. As a result, low self-esteem can have a negative impact on a person and their life. The following texts highlight 8 problems created by low self-esteem and how to overcome them as an individual: 

1. SELF-HATE While there are times when we all ‘hate’ who we are, loathing your thoughts and actions is a classic sign of low self-esteem. Self-hate is characterised by feelings of anger and frustration about who you are and an inability to forgive yourself for even the smallest of mistakes. How to overcome self-hate Change your internal dialogue. An internal critic fuels self-hate, so step one is to silence the voice in your head by consciously making yourself repeat a positive response for every negative thought you have. Why be your own worst critic? Forgive yourself for your mistakes. No one is perfect. Challenge your negative self-beliefs. It’s likely that your sense of who you are is outdated and has been passed to you from others such as your parents, ex-partners and colleagues. Don’t be afraid to rewrite your own script – it’s your life.

2. PERFECTIONISM The drive to be perfect is one of the more destructive aspects of low self-esteem. A perfectionist is someone who lives with a constant sense of failure because their achievements, no matter how impressive, don’t ever feel quite good enough. How to overcome perfectionism Set realistic expectations for yourself. Consciously think how reasonable and manageable your goals are before striving for them, remembering that life in general is imperfect. Recognise there is a huge difference between failing at something you do and being a failure as a person. Don’t confuse the two. Stop sweating the small stuff. Perfectionists tend to nitpick at insignificant problems. They forget to view the bigger picture and take pride in that.

3. POOR BODY IMAGE A negative body image is often linked to low self-esteem and vice versa. This means it can affect everything from how you behave in relationships to how you project yourself at work. How to overcome poor body image Avoid comparing yourself to others because it only leads to insecurity. Accept that everyone is different and remember where your strengths lie. Look after your health. A healthy diet and daily exercise regime will not only make you feel physically more able, but also leads to the release of endorphins, the body’s feel-good hormones. Take care of your appearance. People with a bad body image often stop making an effort, believing there is ‘no point’. Do three positive things today for your looks.

4. FEELING WORTHLESS We all doubt our ability in certain areas of our lives, but a deep-rooted sense of worthlessness comes from believing that somehow we are not as valuable as others. If this sounds familiar, it’s important to understand that feeling worthy isn’t something given to us by others, but something we have to build ourselves. How to overcome feeling worthless Accept we all come with our own unique talents that we have to take pride in to believe we are worthy people. While it’s fine to think highly of others, it’s irrational to translate this as meaning they are better than you. Admire others’ traits, but not at the expense of your own. Be aware that we teach others how to treat us. Practice projecting yourself as someone whose opinions are just as valid as others, and your sense of self-worth will begin to rise.

5. OVERSENSITIVITY Being too sensitive is one of the more painful aspects of low self-esteem. Whether you’re angered by criticism or literally feel demolished by any comment that’s directed at you, it’s important to desensitise yourself. How to overcome oversensitivity Making sure you really listen to what’s being said. This way you can evaluate whether a comment is true or not, before deciding how you feel about it. If the criticism is unfair, say you don’t agree. If there is some truth in it, learn from what’s being said, rather than beating yourself up about it. Constructive criticism can be exactly that, provided you take the comments on board and make changes for the better. Make sure you move on. Replaying over and over what’s upset you only anchors the memory to you – which won’t help.

6. FEAR AND ANXIETY Fear and a belief that you are powerless to change anything in your world are irrefutably linked to low self-esteem. How to overcome Fear and anxiety Discriminate between genuine fears and unfounded ones by challenging your anxieties with the facts. For instance, you may feel it’s pointless to go for a promotion because you don’t think you can get it. How true is this statement when you look at the evidence? Build confidence by facing your fears. Draw up what’s known as a fear pyramid, placing your biggest fear at the top and your smallest fears at the bottom. The idea is to work your way up the pyramid, taking on each fear and boosting your belief in your abilities as you go.

7. ANGER Anger is a normal emotion, but one that gets distorted when you have low self-esteem. When you don’t think highly of yourself, you start to believe your own thoughts and feelings aren’t important to others. Repressed hurt and anger can build up, so something seemingly small can trigger outbursts of fury. How to overcome Anger Learn how to remain calm. One way is to not let your feelings simmer away until you explode. Instead, express how you’re feeling at the time. If that doesn’t work, step away from the situation and breathe in long slow breaths to reduce your heart rate and bring your body back to a relaxed state. Don’t over do it. People with low self-esteem often over commit then feel bitter as they struggle to cope. Try to take on only what you want and would like to do.

8. PEOPLE-PLEASING One of the biggest problems with low self-esteem is feeling you have to please others so that they like, love and respect you. As a result many people-pleasers end up feeling aggrieved and used. How to overcome people-pleasing Learn how to say no. Be yourself. Your worth doesn’t depend on others’ approval – people like and love you for who you are, not what you do for them. Be selfish sometimes, or at least think about your needs for a change. People with a healthy self-esteem know when it’s important to put themselves first. Set limits on others. Feeling resentful and used stems from accepting things from friends and family that you personally feel is unacceptable. Start placing limits on what you will and won’t do and your resentment will ease.